What's your excuse? Idiots....

I went to watch two movies recently. Well, three if you count I Am Legend. But my rants today are for the two I just watched, Cloverfield last Friday and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street yesterday. It’s time to get some things off my chest. So to all cinema goers please take note. Take note and be a good cinema goer, or don’t listen and remain the idiots that you are.

First rule to watching a movie
Know what type of movie you’re about to watch. I’m not saying you should watch all teasers, full length trailers, read reviews, blogs, memorise cast and all that. I know I don’t do this for fear of spoiling the whole movie experience. But the least you can do is find out the type of movie. You know, is it going to be a drama, action packed adventure, romance, fantasy, comedy, romantic comedy, black comedy, spoof, satire, whatever, just find out the bloody type of movie you’re gonna watch!

If it’s gonna be filmed through a hand-held camera and told through the first person or whatever you call it, like Cloverfield, you can expect it to be shaky. Of course! That’s the whole point of the story, it’s a bunch of amateurs like you and me trying to film what must have been the most terrifying experience that they were going through, using a bloody video cam. So of course it’s gonna be shaky! Bunch of idiots!

And you know it’s a monster movie. Of course there’ll be a (gasp surprise surprise!) a monster! Again, bloody idiots! You know it’s a monster movie, so suspend reality for an hour and 15 minutes and just watch the bloody thing already! Stop sighing, whining, groaning, complaining, heavy sighing and complaining some more. It’s a monster movie. Deal with it. Don’t laugh, don’t talk loudly, don’t discuss the storyline. Just don’t. Shut your gob and watch. Damn bloody idiots. If you don’t like it and can’t stomach it, leave. That’s what the exits are for. Don’t ruin the experience for other people.

When I bought tickets for Cloverfield, the guy at the ticket counter actually gave my husband and I a warning. He told us that many people complained because the picture was shaky. I just laughed out loud. Yep, right to his face. Sorry man, didn’t mean to laugh at you. But I feel sorry for you because you had to inform everyone who bought tickets about this. I’m sure this part of your job sucks. This was probably due to all the idiots who watched it and thought, Oh what a dumb sucky movie this is and oh how shaky it is. I think it’s my duty to complain to the cinema management. And maybe they’ll waste their time trying to warn others. Shaky, I hate that word. As I hate all idiots.

And guess what? The same thing happened when I watched Sweeney Todd in sunway yesterday. I was unfortunate enough to watch it with a cinema full of college kids who mostly fell in the idiots category (sad to say- hah!).

Again, know what type of movie you’re watching. If you’re watching Sweeney Todd, well obviously you’re gonna watch a musical. And of course there’ll be singing. IDIOTS! Every time the characters opened their mouths to sing, there were groaning, and moaning, and giggling, and ‘oh no’s and whatever else their sorry little minds could think of doing. If you don’t like to hear singing, DON’T WATCH A MUSICAL! Go watch some insipid brainless movie instead; there are lots of those that you can choose from which I’m sure you’ll enjoy.

Second rule to watching a movie
For the eleventh hundredth time, we don’t care about what happened to you in class today nor do we want to hear you talking about your cheating girlfriend, so stop talking. Never ever talk during a movie. It’s just crass and shows how senseless and dim you are. So hush! Again, if you find the movie not to your liking, then please leave. Leave and make the world a better place.

Don’t spoil other people’s experience just because you’re too dumb to understand what’s going on in the movie. If you really don’t understand, read the bloody subtitles. If you still don’t understand, hey perhaps that’s not the movie for you. Maybe you should try watching something simpler, like I don’t know, The Little Mermaid? Easier plot to follow, fun characters, colourful movie, and oh my, the crab sings too!

So that’s it. Two simple rules to remember. Easy peasy. Nothing too taxing for that small pea-brain of yours.

Bloody idiots….

Back on square one

So it’s the New Year. Happy New Year to all! New Year means new resolutions. I think I mentioned some time ago that there was one year when I resolved not to make any more new year’s resolution. It worked out just fine. Till maybe a few years later.

I think I also mentioned somewhere that I used to make dumb resolutions like ‘work harder’. If you didn’t know me, and you heard of my resolution, you’d think I was a slacker of some sort. Ignoring work or procrastinating till the last minute. In actual fact I’m neither (or at least I think I’m not.) I work as hard, maybe harder than other people.

Maybe this year I should be more concerned with being a better Muslim. Cut down on gossip. Spend more time with my family. Be thankful for what I’ve got. Celebrate the little triumphs in life. Forgive others.

Blog more? Heh heh….

That should keep me busy for a while….

Jingle all the way....hey!

I’ve got a stupid song in my head. Well, it’s not stupid and it’s not really a song. More like an annoying radio jingle that’s been playing in my head like a broken record. How about I infect you with my plague….

Ryan, you’re calling Ryan….
Not John, or Paul, or Bob, or Steve, or Mike, but Ry-an
Ryan, R-R-R- Ryan
No one but Ryan will answer your call….

It’s annoying but freaking good fun to sing along to. If you listen and sing along to radio jingles, what does that say about your life? Sad, huh….

Ryan….
You’re calling Ryan….

Year-end Crazy Parade

It’s that time of the year again. We’re almost at the end, but not quite. Every time I get to this year-end-but-not-quite season, I am enveloped by a sense of…. malaise, if you will. Some sort of laziness creeps in. Well maybe not laziness, maybe more of a worn out kinda phase.

I feel like working less and taking more leave. It doesn’t help the matter that I have unintentionally accumulated all my leave days into a big lump to be utilised in these last few months. So I get 25 days of leave a year (yeah, I can hear some of you scream foul), plus the 12 days that I carried from last year, that makes it 37 days of annual leave. And now I have used up about 12 days, leaving me with about 25. So now I carry forward 12 to next year and I still have a total of 13. Minus the three I took last week and I’m still left with 10. Ten days of leave to be used up between now and the 31st of December. Sigh, what a lovely mess I’m in. I’m not complaining.

The laziness creeping in is making me tired of all things work-related. I just want to say, okay, let’s just get it over and done with. Enough of this year already. Let’s just do nothing till January. When January comes we will start with such gusto and drive, and work harder. Note: working harder is the stupid resolution that I seem to make yearly, except maybe last year when I declared it to be stupid. And I’m beginning to sound like a mad woman already right?

Ah well, the good news is that I am so lazy but yet have lots of time to watch tv. Or is it because I’m lazy that I have time to watch tv? Anyway, my current favourite shows that I catch on Astro are Brothers & Sisters, and Big Love. I love them to bits…. I love Criminal Minds too but I think the season ended last week on 8TV. So I watch tv and read (labouring to read as I get so sleepy at night after tv). And I spend time on Facebook. You know that other idiotic time consuming social networking utility shit… but hey I love it too…. It’s fun catching up with school friends and what-have-yous….

Ok now I’m too lazy to wrap this up, so I guess that’s it. Time to go check Facebook.

And go home. Yeah… now we’re talking….

Of food and relatives that come once a year

It’s almost Raya now. Ramadhan is well on its 23rd day. I am looking forward to Raya. Not as much as I did when I was a kid, nonetheless, still looking forward to it.

This year we’ll be celebrating it here in KL, my beloved hometown. Yeah yeah, don’t make cracks about not having a kampong to balik to. I’m a city girl and my so-called ‘kampung’ is here. My grandma is here and my parents are here. And contrary to popular belief, it is meriah to celebrate Raya here. People who say otherwise are just people who don’t belong. They need to go balik elsewhere, so just go already, and leave us to our merry-making. I don’t mean to sound rude, but if they are patriotic over their respective kampungs, why shouldn’t I be? KL is all that I’ve ever known.

Oh well….

When I was younger, my mother used to make nasi tomato for every Raya. We’d have chicken curry and sambal tumis and acar and daging dendeng and cakes and cookies. My mum loves cooking and baking. Those were great fun times. Now however my mum doesn’t cook up a storm like that anymore. She buys all her cookies. Lucky for us she buys most of the cookies from my aunt. So it’s still homemade, though not made in our home. Haha!

Both my parents and in-laws will be here this year so we need to go visit both, and then we shall go visit my grandma and aunt. Can’t wait for the wonderful food that will be waiting for us. My grandma’s house will be the meeting point for all my aunts and uncles. I’m looking forward to meeting them all. Now that I’m a working adult, I don’t get to see them as much as I used to. I haven’t seen an uncle of mine like ages ago! (Ok I exaggerate, it was probably a year plus ago.)

So I’m definitely waiting for the food and the relatives. In that order. Yeah yeah, can’t you tell I’m a glutton already. *smile*