Thursday, June 7

Pain? What pain?

My legs hurt. I know I should be blessed by the fact that I have two legs to walk, but I can’t help but to complain a little today. Oh ye, allow me to air my grouse....

The pain is some kind of dull throbbing in my knees and ankles. My joints hurt when I walk. I feel so frustrated! Here I am, trying my best to walk properly and the best that I can it seems is to resort to taking clumsy steps that prevent me from walking straight.

I am mortified and hope that nobody sees me, but too late. This morning the lady security guard asked me what was wrong with my legs. Can I walk, she asked. I forced a grin and told her I had sprained my ankle. There, a lie. It makes me feel even worse.

Strangers hold the door open for me and wait patiently while I shuffle along, trying to move fast so that they don’t have to wait on me too long. That happened twice today. Twice! And the day is not over yet.

I am walking to my office, a dozen things to do, and I just can’t move fast enough. I wish I could run, or moved faster, as fast as I used to. Sometimes, I’d wallow in self-pity; oh woe is me, why is this happening to me? Most times I would just blame myself. When that happens, I have to force myself and give myself a thorough shake-up.

Stop being such a weakling! It’s all in your head.
If you pretend it’s not there, then it isn’t.
If you want to be normal, you’d stop all these ridiculous whining.
If you want to be taken seriously, act like you’re ok.

Act it....
Act it....
Act it....
Play pretend long enough and it will be real....


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're in pain. I wish I could do something to help you feel better. But all I can do is pretend to be your mother and say "You should go to the doctor!" But I know you will if you need to.

Be well, curl up with a good book, and take care of yourself, mudslinger.

adora said...

pain is what makes us human love. and being human is the best thing that you can ever be(apart from being a chocolate bar lah hehe:P)
and complaining about our pains and woes?that too is human. it just shows that we can talk about the good things, as well as the bad things.
i guess feeling pain reminds us that we're here on borrowed time, and we dont have much of that anymore.
one last thing, share your woes. it eases the pain.*heart*