Monday, October 31

8th Day - 12/10/2005 (Wednesday)

True to her words, the Chinese nurse comes to shampoo my hair this morning. I do not know how she will carry this out when I’m lying there on the bed. First she folds the top part of the mattress a little bit under, and then she tells me to lie still. She puts a container underneath to catch all the water she uses. As soon as she starts shampooing, I fell relaxed. It is just like washing your hair in the hair salon. I am really grateful to her for taking the trouble to wash my hair.

More of my colleagues come visit me. First Ustaz Nazri and Zambri come to see me. We talk for quite some time. Then they excuse themselves because there were 3 more people waiting outside. Mieza comes again, this time with Tengku Norishah and Kak Sharifah Junaidah. Kak Norai brings a bottle of “air zamzam”. For this, I am very grateful. I feel so blessed when I think of all my friends who have come to visit me. I am a lucky girl indeed.

One of the nurses tells me that I will be moved to one of the medical wards. I am a bit disheartened, but have no choice really. She says they will try to put me in a room when one becomes available. At the moment I will be put in the open ward.

They move me at about 3p.m. the first thing that hits me is the heat. I forget the fact that there are only fans, no air-conditioning. The second thing that is like a slap in the face is the noise. I am welcomed by a cacophony of sounds, the loudest being a makcik screaming at the top of her voice. For a while there, I thought there might have been some mistake. This must be some mental ward! But the nurse tells me that the makcik is depressed, as nobody ever comes to visit her. Suddenly I pity her. Not even her own children would visit? What a shame….

There is nothing I could do but bear the conditions. I have to walk to the washroom on my own now, oh-so-slowly. Before I leave the HDW, the nurses take out the tube so now I need to go to the toilet. Over at the HDW, they bring the bedpan if I needed to do ‘number 2’, and I clean myself before they take away the bedpan. Even so, I am asked to wear adult diapers since my first day at the HDW.

Over at this ward (Medical Ward 4) I still wear the diapers just in case, but then I still go to the bathroom. I just cannot make myself pee into the diapers. So imagine what it’s like to put diapers on yourself. It is a great lesson in humility. At the HDW, the nurses would do it for me while I lie down. How do I do it on my own now? After a few times of putting it on myself, I have mastered the art, so to speak.

The surroundings are just too much for me. I shut my eyes and try to sleep. When hubby arrives that afternoon, the first I do is to sob silently while relating my ‘tragic’ tale of being moved to this ward. After seeing his worried face, I immediately control myself and stop sobbing. Taking deep breaths to calm myself, I apologise. He tells me that maybe this is for the better. The doctors are always around, unlike in the Special Wards at Level 7. I try to look at things in perspective. I agree with him.

At least I’m put in Bed 2, somewhere out front. Hubby tells me to be strong. I’ve come this far already. I tell him that I’ll try my best. I do not want him to worry about me. He worries enough already. I dread the time when he has to leave me. But of course that time comes and he promises to come tomorrow afternoon. He is no sure if he is able to come during lunch, but I assure him that it’s alright.

After he leaves, I decide to plait my hair. At least now when I lie down, my hair will be flat and not hurt my head like a normal ponytail would. I sit on my bed and see my shadow on the pillowcase. It looks like it belongs to some forlorn anime character, with wisps of hair blown by the wind. Haha, anime indeed!

It is difficult for me to sleep here. The noise is unbearable as the old makcik screams all the time. She calls out “Hello…. Hello….” If she sees anyone walk past her bed. She screams for the nurses and says that she’s hungry, or she wants to eat, or she needs a diaper change. She threatens to jump down from the bed. When nobody heeds her call, she starts kicking and says that she’s going to fall now. The nurses run to her, but of course she’s not really going anywhere as she doesn’t even have the energy to sit up on her own. Poor makcik…. I try to sleep and after sitting up and lying down many times, I finally sleep at about 1a.m.

No comments: